It was around December 2012 when Bubba told me he was finally going to write "Chainsaws, Hookers and Blow".
"Really man?" I asked. "Hasn't it been three years since we first talked about that song?"
"It's only been two years," replied Bubba. "Besides, I'm bored and I don't have anything better to do."
Bubba was out of work again. He got fired in June. He had been working at that job for a year and a half or so but he was suffering from the Gout and one of his managers gave him a hard time. Finally, the old Bub'ster had enough and he told the manager exactly what he thought of him. It went something like the following:
"You're a snot-nosed little brat who doesn't know shit about running a warehouse!"
I paraphrased of course but those are not choice words to say to your boss! If I've learned anything from years of watching WWE programming is "you don't cross the boss!" Just ask Vince MacMahon if you don't believe me.
Over the next couple of months, Bubba began showing me his work on the song. It progressed rather slowly. Bubba was doing all of the work by himself. He wrote all of the drum tracks and instrument pieces and all he had to work with for instruments were the ones he could program into his keyboard.
I liked the first two versions I heard but then he came up with this other version which sounded like something out of a Super Mario Brothers video game. Seriously, I thought there was a Nintendo game console playing in the room!
"Bubba, you gotta cut the Mario shit," I told him after hearing the track.
Lippa gave him a harsher critical opinion when he played it for him.
"This song has to have balls," I said. "It doesn't need the Legend of Zelda in the background!"
Bubba took our criticism and went back to work on the song. He removed the track and kept the music simple like in the first versions of the song I heard.
Then Bubba went to work on the vocals. He recorded the chorus first and it sounded great! There was only one thing missing and I told him what that was... Chainsaws!
"Dude, the name of the song is 'Chainsaws, Hookers and Blow'," I said. "Where are the chainsaws?"
"I could get some chainsaw sound effects and add them to the song," he said.
"Do it! It would be like that Jackyl song where the singer plays a chainsaw as an instrument," I suggested.
"I know that song! Yeah, that would be cool," he said. "I'll see what I can do!"
Bubba wrapped up the song in April and played it for me. I thought it sounded awesome! He did a really good job and I was impressed. He eventually made a video for it and put it up on YouTube. I liked the video too. At the end of the video, I noticed he named me as a Producer.
"Producer? I didn't really do anything," I said.
"Yes you did," he said. "You gave me advice on the song. That's what producers do."
"Okay, great," I said. "So I'm a producer now. What's next?"
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| Bubba and Dan |
"You could help me write some more material," he suggested.
Overhead, we heard a giant clap of thunder. It came out of nowhere. It was so loud that it stunned both of us. The lights flickered in my apartment. Bubba and I looked at each other wide-eyed for a moment.
"That has to be some sort of sign," I said.
"Yeah," Bubba agreed, "from Heaven above!"
And that is how it all began according to Dan!
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